October 3, 2008

  • What is on your weekly grocery list?

    I usually like to buy seasonal produce, meat from the butcher, some dry goods, and some dairy goods.  I like to bi-weekly for the perishables.  I like to meal plan for a couple days at a time.  Since it's just my husband and I, I don't have to really think too far in advance for things.  I don't like to cook food out of season.  I really love to go to the local growers and farm markets, because the best organic produce comes from those types of retailers.  I'm addicted to Wegman's for specialty items like gourmet cheeses, chutneys, and spices.  They have everything practically and more.  I really like going to more than one market to purchase groceries, because you really can economize and find the items you really want instead of settling.  If you have a really great butcher, why would settle on shell steaks from the grocery store.  You see my meaning.  Speaking of steaks, steak au poivre sounds wonderful.

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September 28, 2008

  • Fiction in Four Hours (I guess there's a first time for everything)

    This was my exercise for my lit class.  I've never written fiction on my own volition.  I actually contemplated not posting it.

    It's My Request by Denise Frame-Leitch (Based on themes presented in Antigone)

    I
    walked the sandy coast; feeling the soft white sand through my toes.
    The weather was perfect and the sun was shining brightly above me. The
    salt air filtered into my lungs and invigorated me. Around me were the
    distant scents of coconut tanning lotion. I waded my feet into the
    lukewarm greenish brown Atlantic Ocean water. Even though such beauty
    surrounded me, my mind was still preoccupied with his presence. I could
    still feel the tender touch of his hands on my shoulders and his
    whispers of "I love you Soleil." in my ears. Watching him go through
    the agony of his illness and then eventually losing him was the hardest
    thing that I had ever gone through. It scarred me inside, and the pain
    felt irrevocable. I had no choice it seemed, and yet love so often
    leaves us with few choices. The hot tears ran down my face while
    inaudible sobs racked through my body. I uttered in a choked whisper,
    "I miss you darling." This was followed by my shame of being selfish.
    Mike wouldn't have wanted me to be so maudlin about the whole thing. In
    fact, he was the one who planned his wake and funeral. He booked the
    Irish pub, and even the bagpipers. Mike was always that organized, and
    he said that if he were to die, he would want to go out with a bang.

    I
    pulled my body away from the wet sandy coast, and trotted up the beach.
    I grabbed the soft terry towel, and began to wipe the encrusted sand
    from my feet. I wiped my tear-soaked eyes with a tissue from my tote
    bag and disposed in the garbage can adjacent to the stairs leading
    toward the boardwalk. My movements felt mechanical, and it seemed that
    these days I had to push myself to do anything. The pain of my loss
    seemed to invoke large amounts fatigue. Just as I was heading to my
    car, the cell phone rang. I looked on the caller id and noticed that it
    was my friend Patricia. When I answered, the first thing that she said
    was, "Soleil, I hope that you aren't moping around the house like you
    were yesterday, because you are really making me worried." In reply, I
    uttered, "I'm actually just leaving the North beach right now."
    Breathing a very audible sigh of relief, Patricia says, "That's good!
    You needed the fresh air, and a chance to think and process." Just
    then, she added, "You need to get away from here. Go on a cruise or
    stay at some kind of resort-type destination. Something that will take
    your mind off things." I ran the idea through my mind for a brief
    second and then I remembered that I still have to deal with my
    husband's will. "It's not possible right now Patti. I still have so
    many things to iron out when it comes to Mike's unfinished business."
    While fumbling for the keys to my car I ended the phone call, "I have
    to go; I need to make sure that I drop the last of the paperwork to the
    lawyer's office by the end of the day." "If you need anything Soleil,
    just call me." "Thanks hon. I'm really grateful that I have such a
    great friend in you." We said our byes and I started the car."

    I
    started the car and drove toward my home, and I remembered how Michael
    loved to jog on the boardwalk everyday. As I turned the key and took
    off my running shoes in the foyer, I saw his running shoes on the mat
    closest to the door. Mike was addicted to running. He always said that
    it was his form of "meditation." In fact, Michael was the healthiest
    person I had ever known. He ate right, he never smoked, barely drank,
    and he always made sure to workout at least every other day. I used to
    try to keep up with him, but my whining and groaning just made him
    giggle at me. He'd slowed down to my pace and say through some
    chortling, "It hurts to be this beautiful." I lightly swatted him and
    uttered, "Yeah right." So rather than going through agony of jogging
    down five miles of wooden planks, I stuck to my half hour on the
    treadmill. This way I felt like I accomplished something, rather than
    feeling sort of embarrassed. After one of his marathon runs, Michael
    came home and had breakfast with me. When he walked up to the table, I
    noticed a large bruise on his lower shoulder. "Honey, did you bump into
    something." Mike looked at me funny and said, "Nope. Why would you say
    that?" I was confused and asked, "Did you see the big bruise on your
    right shoulder?" He looked puzzled and, after my insistence, went into
    the downstairs bathroom to inspect his injury. When he came out of the
    bathroom, he didn't really seem concerned. I must have bruised it when
    I put the bicycles on the rack in the garage yesterday. I rolled my
    eyes at him and said, "Did the bike fall on you? Because, that is
    something else." I then added, "You have to be careful next time." He
    kissed me lightly on the lips and whispered, "I was born cautious."
    "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be down a few Soli"

    After
    that conversation, we didn't think too much of the event. Just chalked
    it up as a trivial accident. I didn't think that this was the herald
    toward something much worse. Two weeks later, Michael complained of
    pulling a muscle. I asked him to show me where it hurts, and I noticed
    a large golf ball sized lump near his armpit. I immediately begged him
    to see the doctor. He agreed, because the pain was so bad that he
    couldn't raise his arm all the way. Mike's general practitioner was
    very concerned and immediately referred him for tests. Dr. DeFeo had
    all different types of tests done and after sitting on pins and needles
    for more than a few weeks, we finally found out his diagnosis. It was
    Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was the kind of thing that you have to put
    emphasis on. Cancer is something my husband called "The great
    equalizer." I remembered sitting with Michael in the waiting room at
    the oncologist's office, and how it smelled like rubbing alcohol. It
    made me stomach flip-flop. We must've been there for a good hour before
    the young receptionist, "Mr. Campbell. The doctor will see you now."
    Since it was a consultation this time, I was allowed to be there with
    him. Doctor Kent said that it metastasized into his bones, and
    treatment would give him at least a 40% chance of remission. The doctor
    said. "I won't sit here and make false promises to you Mr. Campbell,
    because time is something that isn't a luxury in this case." When we
    entered the house after the consultation with the doctor, I sat down on
    the couch in shock… Surgery was the first obstacle he had to pass. Then
    we had to cling onto the hope that treatment would extend his life.

    I
    don't remember when he said it, but I can recall the pain of hearing
    it. "Soleil… If I couldn't make the decision myself, I would want you
    to go forward with my wishes." I gasped and then it spilled out like a
    reflex, "How can you even talk that way so casually. You are not
    dying!" Just then, he looked at me and sighed. "Soli baby, you know it
    and I know it. My life expectancy is only a little more with treatment,
    then without. I made the decision to make it easier on both us," Mike
    looked at me intently and said, "I had to make a living will. Please
    don't resent me for that." "I love you Soleil. "I pulled the surgical
    mask away from my face, and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Over
    the last few months, not only had he lost his hair, but he lost his
    defense against simple viruses. I sat on the edge of his hospital bed
    with my head in my hands, "How can you give up like this?" I screamed.
    "It's not giving up; it's being resolute with the cards I've been
    dealt." Little did I know that his secret arrangement wasn't going to
    be as much of a surprise to me as it will be for his mother and father.

    Doctors barraged him with offers of different experimental
    treatments. After countless bags of chemotherapy, and dozens of
    different types of radiation, he finally realized the finality of it
    all. "I remembered why I hate all this hospital crap. I hate not having
    a life outside of these four walls." When Mike's condition worsened, he
    declined treatment. His decision to have hospice care was something
    that he struggled with during that time. Mike's parents didn't share in
    his need to end medical treatment. His parents, Paul and Kelly were
    appalled. Kelly cried, "Are you serious about this! This is your life
    you're taking for granted; Son how can you just give up like this?" She
    was obviously shaken. His father reinforced the same lack of
    understanding by saying, "Son do you need to be on antidepressants. You
    can't possibly give up your chance at life." Mike continued reassuring
    them that this was the right thing to do. While this was occurring, I
    tried to comfort him during this time. I was there at his bedside every
    day, and I took advantage of the family leave act during that time. My
    friend Patti and my sister Maria came by every day to help. Kelly and
    Paul made sure that he had clean clothes and bed linens, and they would
    bring pictures and other assorted items to keep his spirits up. When he
    went into a coma, unable to breathe on his own without life support, I
    knew that his plan needed to be followed.

    My in-laws were in
    front of the doctor when I spoke to him about Mike's living will. Their
    faces went pale and they were shocked as the words poured from my mouth
    through tears. "You can't do that to him; you can't kill him off." Paul
    said angrily. "What makes you God? How can you express that kind of
    cruelty to someone who loved you more than his own life?" I explained
    to him gently, "This is something that Mike wanted. He didn't want to
    live without quality of life. This is the plan he made for himself."
    When I gave him the living will, Kelly grabbed it from his hands. "This
    is barbaric. I won't let you do that to my son. I won't let you kill
    him." Over those weeks, Paul and Kelly got a lawyer and filed a motion
    to have the living will reversed. Patricia and Maria went with me to
    every court date. There were endless pleas from each side to preserve
    what is indeed Michael's quality of life. I had to make sure that I
    visited my husband on days that my in-laws weren't there. Everything
    seemed to be stuck in red tape while my husband continued to suffer in
    hospice. If he were able to, I know that he would follow the same
    protest that I'm crusading on in his behalf. Finally, the day came when
    I spoke my plea to have his life ended naturally without the use of
    machines. "Mike didn't want to be a burden physically and mentally by
    being alive artificially. Even though I didn't understand him at first,
    I realized that I was being selfish. I love him more than anything in
    the world and I would never do anything to deliberately harm him." Then
    I felt myself sobbing uncontrollably, "Please don't make him suffer;
    It's not what he deserves." I found myself unable to speak, and I was
    excused. Even though the legality won out in my favor, I didn't feel
    like a winner. You could see that the judge didn't agree with the
    ruling, but the law speaks well above his opinion.

    "In the
    end I lose my best friend, I lose my lover, I lose my companion." I
    said this quietly next to his bedside. "I will always love you." Kelly
    heard me. I didn't know she was there until she gave me a hug. Paul
    followed after. "We've all lost dear. We should have realized that in
    the first place." After all the legal fees, court dates, vigils, and
    uncontrollable sobs, they embraced me. They knew how much Mike loved
    me. "I think that we all have to put our personal views aside Soleil."
    Paul said in a lowered tone. After all the deliberation, they realize
    his need to be out of pain, suffering, and artificial existence. Along
    with Kelly and Paul, my sister Maria and my friend Patti sat with me
    when he passed away. It was quiet and peaceful; there were no
    horrifying sounds and struggles. Nothing occurred the way I thought,
    which goes to show the random ways that life can start and end. "I'm so
    sorry sweetie." Maria whispered as she hugged me tightly. Patti hugged
    me and said, "He out of pain now Soli." My head bowed down in sobs.
    This was not only in grief, but also for relief. Those feelings
    sickened me, and I felt almost criminal for feeling that way. All I
    wanted was to give Michael what he needed, and it spun into a personal
    crusade. I know that after the funeral and will are finalized, I will
    never see Paul and Kelly again. In the end, we all regret the
    selfishness of our humanity. These moments of selfishness made precious
    time irretrievable from someone we deeply loved.

September 19, 2008

  • Which presidential candidate are you voting for? Why?

    This is a very difficult and dicey question to answer, because I really feel that a voting choice should be a private matter.  I have to say that I feel both candidates lack the kind of values that I would want to see in the white house.  When you see two candidates from different parties following similar leads, it makes you wonder whether or not we actually have two parties.  Why should this country only have two parties?  When does that symbolize diversity or democracy?  Those are questions people should ask themselves.  I don't see any reason to vote for either candidate, and I would rather vote by writing a candidate in or find a third party candidate that actually cares.  My answer is neither.

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  • It All Began (A fictional interpretation of gestation)

    This is a story that I wrote for a
    class that I'm taking this semester.  This is my interpretation of the
    miracle of life.  This is something that I haven't experienced first
    hand.  All of this was done under the guise of scientific and fictional
    translation.  Hope that you all enjoy it, and maybe even giggle at my
    lay acumen for this subject.  (the humour at the end is part of the
    exercise)

    Life began with a being smaller than the head
    of a pin.  The immensity of the surroundings seemed to enhance the
    realization of it's meager size.  The cells were surrounded by other
    similar beings that fought to grasp hold of the fleshy lifeline.  This
    lifeline which will be the sustainer by which this cellular being's
    existence will depend.  When the cells were implanted with sperm, they
    began dividing leaving one or more chances for a new life to form.  On
    the final division, one human cell remained.  This cell was ushered
    into the embryonic stages and it's gender was defined.  As development
    accelerated, the human host began gazing at the being through a type of
    radiation.  The embryo could hear emotional sounds through host's
    expanded abdomen when the gender was identified.  The fetus was most
    definitely female.  The fetus could feel the sensation of her giggling
    as it was moving through the fluid.  During the tine of gestation, the
    fluid surrounding the embryonic fetus kept it warm and safe.  It's
    nourishment came from a small cord attached to a placental wall.  Over
    months the fetus slowly grew from it's embryonic fetal stage and looked
    like the human baby soon to make it's debut.  The baby's feet gently
    kicked the wall of the host's womb.  At the last stage of fetal
    development,  the fetus had decreased space for it's appendages to move
    or revolve.  The peace of comfort was suddenly broken by contractions. 
    The baby's body was sliding traumatically through a canal.  The warmth
    and comfort of the nine month stay was coming to an end.  Through a
    skirmish, the baby's thrust into this world came suddenly.  The first
    labored breath of life came with a swift and merciless cry that
    reddened the baby's newborn face and brought salty tears into it's
    eyes.  This seemed to ease the tension in the space.  It brought tears
    and soft giggles from the mother and father.  The small tiny being was
    cleansed with warm flowing liquid and strange bubbling solution.  This
    was done ever so gently by tall white shrouded individuals.  The tiny
    being shook from a cold that it had never felt before.   A blanket and
    pink hat were swiftly swaddled around the tiny form.  The warm touch
    from an extended appendage encircled the tiny child in a soft cloth
    like material.  The chill from the air eased, and strangely endearing
    coos were heard while the mother embraced the small fragile form.  The
    father was gently handed the baby to hold as well.  A small smile
    crossed the baby's face; it was human.  The father giggled while
    excitedly telling the mother of his discovery.  The mother quickly
    added, "That's not a smile; it's probably gas."  After all of the
    labor, the mother slumbered comfortably in her bed.  The magical nine
    months will be forgotten by the baby, but she will always remember.   

September 14, 2008

  • Given a chance to meet and talk to any 3 artists (dead or living), who would you choose?

    I've met many of my idols, but I have three that I would really be interested in meeting.  One would be Johnny Cash.  He was such an impressive artist and songwriter.  Cash's songs are timeless and full of passion.  I would also like to meet Queen Elizabeth the I.  She was such a strong woman in a man's world and is definitely one of my heroes.  I would also like to meet Gustav Klimt.  He was a wonderful talented artist whose work is absolutely brave, passionate, and beautiful. 

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September 10, 2008

  • What food brings back fond childhood memories?

    I know this is going to sound corny, but Snickerdoodles cookies.  My mom used to make them in the wintertime when I came home from school.  It was sort of cool because she would let my sister and I roll out the cookie balls and place them on the baking sheet.  It was nice because it was something that we did together.  I guess it's the sentimental part that keeps me making those cookies every holiday. 

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September 6, 2008

September 4, 2008

  • What are your five favorite movies of all time?

    1. The Last Emperor
    2. Stealing Home
    3. Kundun
    4. Fahrenheit 9/11
    5. Elizabeth: The Golden Age

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  • It's been a looong time

    I have been sort of quiet on here... So figured it was time for a new post.  I'm back at school again for the autumn semester.  It's been smooth sailing so far.  I have another class to take tonight called "New Jersey History."  This course was not my first choice, but now I'm intrigued.  My husband and I usually take a course together every semester I take here at the college.  He was curious about the course as well.  I took a World Literature online course this Autum as well.  The other course I have is Sociology.  I've been reading the chapters of the text book, and I have to say that it reminds me alot of Cultural Anthropology and General Psych!  This might make me breeze through this course.  All of my classes are at night which is pretty cool.  I don't have to rush in the morning.  I'm really not a morning person by any stretch.  I'm totally nocturnal. 

    So I've been watching the political conventions on the C-SPAN YouTube site.  I did this not because I was curious about the candidates that were running for office, but to hear the speeches.  I couldn't believe how roundabout these polticians are about what they call "facts."  It's absolutely ridiculous!  They claim alll these different reasons for discrediting their opponents, and have absolutely nothing to back it up.  There speeches, aside for Hillary Clinton, were very compelling.  I can see why they were nominated, and why the voter gets reeled in by their diatribes.  Ah well... That's America for you. 

    I have to go, because I'm getting an early dinner.  I'll elaborate more later.  Later on kids.....

    ~Denise   

July 30, 2008